The program took place between November 30 through December 2 of this year. It attracted participants in social work, mediation, gerontology and the law and other experienced practitioners.

Each individual signed up for the Advanced Elder Mediation Program in order to take their existing practice to the next level. The program gave them all a chance to immerse themselves in the growing field of elder mediation for three days, guided by experts.

Speaking of which, we’d like to extend our gratitude to Dr. Sharon Cohen, the medical director of the Toronto Memory Program and a tremendous supporter of Marathon Mediation’s Elder Mediation Training Programs. She contributed her expertise to our first “Advanced” course, and participated in the “role plays,” too.

Appropriately enough, it was a professional acting troupe called The Role Players whose considerable talents helped make the first Advanced Elder Mediation Program so successful. These actors reenacted conversations between seniors and family members, literally bring to life the kinds of real world situations our participants could expect to experience in their practices.

Marathon Mediation is looking forward to offering our Elder Mediation Training Programs again in the spring of 2012.

Our brand new Internship Program also debuts next year, making it the first of its kind in Canada.

We wish all of you a joyful New Year!

Because it affects so many seniors, dementia is often confused with Alzheimer’s disease. However, Alzheimer’s is a specific disease whereas dementia refers to a cluster of symptoms, such as short-term memory loss and poor judgment.

Alzheimer’s is incurable, but some forms of dementia are treatable.

Having said that, the most common cause of dementia is Alzheimer’s disease, which it is estimated will affect over half of people over 80 years of age. The frequency of dementia also increases with rising age from less than 2 % for the 65-69-year-olds, to 5 % for the 75-79 year-olds and to more than 20 % for the 85-89 year-olds. Every third person over 90 years of age suffers from moderate or severe dementia.

There are as many as fifty other known causes of dementia, and as many as 20% of these are considered treatable.

For instance, temporary dementia can brought on by vitamin deficiencies, hypothyroidism, high blood pressure, a reaction to certain prescription drugs or hypoglycemia. Once these conditions are brought under control, many patients experience fewer symptoms of dementia.

However, because Alzheimer’s disease is incurable, any dementia that accompanies it cannot be treated and causes permanent damage as it progresses.

Symptoms of dementia often mimic problems that even healthy people have, such as forgetfulness. However, in the case of dementia, these symptoms are more severe and debilitating.

For example:

“People who are very busy are sometimes absent-minded and for example forget the pot on the stove. People with dementia possibly not only forget the pot on the stove but also that they have cooked at all.”

“From time to time almost everybody leaves their keys or a wallet behind. Dementia sufferers however might put things in completely inappropriate places, such as for example the iron in the fridge or a watch in the sugar bowl. Afterwards they do not remember where they put them.”

Here are the most common symptoms of dementia:

• Forgetfulness
• Having trouble finding the right words to express oneself
• Spatial and temporal disorientation (not recognizing one’s own street)
• Impaired judgment (going out into the snow with sandals)
• Sudden mood swings and changes in behaviour without any cause
• Personality changes (a normally friendly person becomes hostile)
• Loss of initiative

While many resources about Alzheimer’s and dementia are available in libraries and online, only a physician is qualified to diagnose and treat them. Anti-dementia medications do exist on the market today. However, they delay the progress of dementia but don’t cure it completely.

It is important to talk with a doctor as soon as you suspect your loved one is exhibiting signs of dementia. Don’t assume the condition is untreatable or simply “part of getting older.” In some cases, the symptoms of dementia can be reduced, but only with the assistance of a doctor.

The reality is, you can only build a thriving practice if you’re seen as a knowledgeable, credentialed professional who has done their due diligence and is committed to ongoing training in the field.

The importance of ongoing training and professional development can’t be stressed enough. Elder mediation is an emerging field, so theories and best practices are always evolving. The only way to be taken seriously as a true professional is to keep on top of the latest developments.

Being a life long learner will set you apart in your field. With each training program or seminar, you’ll develop more confidence in your abilities, because you know you are exposing yourself to all the very latest techniques and information. In turn, you’ll be seen by others as an able, confident professional.

When I completed my formal education as a marriage and family therapist, for me, that was just the beginning. I continued to take courses, and paid for supervision as part of my clinical training. Now I’m a supervisor myself.

Mediation is a reputation-based profession, and the only way to start building a client base is through referrals from more established colleagues. When I started my career, I quickly joined the Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, which helped me make connections with others in the field.

Training programs offer another valuable opportunity to network with both supervisors and one’s fellow students, and build the relationships that lead to referrals. After all, interacting effectively with others is at the heart of what it means to be a professional mediator. Developing your “people skills” is just as important as staying up to date on the latest science.

Internship is a particularly valuable form of professional development. Internships give you the chance to gain real world, “hands on” experience, while being of service to others in a supervised environment.

If you think of your burgeoning mediation as a bicycle, internships are the “training wheels” that give you skills and confidence when you are first starting out!

That’s why I launched Canada’s first Elder Mediation Training Program (EMTP) in the spring of 2011.

Our next round of EMT programs are coming to Toronto this fall; the Introductory courses will take place in October 2011 and will continue with an Advanced program in November.

PLUS we’re excited to announce that, for those who’ve completed those programs, we’ll begin offering internships in elder mediation beginning in January 2012.

Once all the details are finalized, we’ll announce them here. These Elder Mediation Training Programs and Internships are a one-of-a-kind opportunity to network and learn alongside other professionals. We invite you to join us!

For example, depending on where we live, the number of residential options available to families may be limited. This lack of choice can make us reluctant to ask about the level of care that residents receive, and what we can do if we have concerns about treatment or living conditions.

As consumers, we frequently research products and don’t think twice about asking lots of questions before making a major purchase. Choosing the place for your loved one to live is the perfect reason to be a well-informed researcher and decision-maker.

Here are some suggestions for anyone about to place a senior family member in a nursing or retirement facility:

• First, be sure to tour the facilities
• Ask how much furniture and how many personal items (such as a TV) residents are allowed to bring with them
• Find out how much input you will have in terms of decision making
• Can family members attend the facilities’ internal planning meetings?
• What happens if our family has differences of opinion with staff or management?
• Is there an ombud, social worker or other individual we can approach if we have questions or concerns?
• What are their policies and procedures for dealing with “difficult” patients?
• How much involvement do residents have in decision making?

By raising these concerns at the beginning, we can establish a vital line of communication with the staff now that can be useful later on.

No matter how well prepared we are, being assertive about our needs and those of our family member can be intimidating. It’s important to know that trained, professional mediators are available to help you prepare for these conversations with nursing or retirement home management.

In some circumstances, these elder mediators might even be able to attend these meetings with you. (Be sure to ask the institution in question what their policies are in this regard.)

Either way, a trained elder mediator can help you navigate the complex world of senior care-giving and residency.

Hiring an elder mediator might seem like an unnecessary expense, but in fact, it can be a wise short term investment. By knowing what to ask, what community resources are available, and what “red flags” to watch for, a mediator can help you nip any problems in the bud and reduce your current and future stress levels.

(Note: Canada’s first Elder Meditation Training Program is being held in Toronto on March 4-5 and again on April 7-8. CLICK HERE for more details about this vital new credential for professional counselors and facilitators.)

We’re pleased to welcome Summer Nudel to Marathon Mediation as our new Internship Program Director. She will be heading up this Internship Program – and we think she’s the perfect person for the task!

A registered social worker and an Accredited Family Mediator, Summer Nudel (MSW, RSW, Acc. Fm OAFM) is also the founder and CEO of Mediation for Families. She has worked with families undergoing difficult transitions, in Los Angeles as well as Southern Ontario.

Summer’s interest in aging families began six years ago. As the director of an adult daycare centre and a facilitator for caregivers’ support groups, she noted that families were usually struggling with many issues: downsizing, succession planning, divorce, remarriage, childrearing challenges and other stressors — all at the same time!

Summer believes strongly that Elder Mediation can help families come together during these overwhelming times.

Summer has supervised bachelor’s and master’s level social work students, as well as a team of social workers, nurses, occupational therapists, physical therapists and personal support workers.

She has also taught seminars on coping after a difficult transition (including job-loss) for Toronto Community Employment Services.

Besides her impeccable educational and professional qualifications, Summer is a warm, generous individual who never hesitates to go “above and beyond” in everything she does.

We’re proud to welcome her to our team.

If you take part in our EMTP Internship Program, you’ll have the chance to meet Summer and avail yourself of her experience and expertise!

My fellow professionals and I at Marathon Mediation recognized the growing need to such a program and took it upon ourselves to organize this landmark event.

I’m pleased to report that the program was rated a great success by our participants, who came from the fields of mediation, gerontology, nursing, social work, counseling, law and other professions where the need for trained elder mediation is growing.

This two-day core program is an introduction to Elder Mediation and Elder Family Conferencing™, providing participants with a fundamental knowledge base of the special issues that arise when working with older persons, their families and caregivers.

Our participants all came away expressing their desire to put their new-found knowledge to use. Fortunately, Marathon Mediation will be offering an advanced follow up program this fall, to help provide this opportunity.

(If you missed your chance to participate in April’s program, note that we will be offering the introductory course again in the fall as well, before the advanced program takes place. This will give “graduates” of both introductory courses the chance to take the next step in their training if they wish.)

Furthermore, in light of the response we received to our first EMTP, we’re now developing a new internship program in elder mediation.

Such a program will also be the first of its kind, and is more necessary than ever before. Through a reputable elder mediation internship program, participants will be able to practice the elder mediation model in the real world, and acquire invaluable professional experience, contacts and references.

I’d like to formally thank people who helped make our first Elder Mediation Training Program such a success.

First: our guest presenters provided expert insights gleaned from their work in various disciplines. Thanks again to Judith Wahl, Executive Director, the Advocacy Centre for the Elderly; Michael Gordon, M.D. M.Sc., F.R.C.P. (C.), Baycrest Geriatric Health Care System; Sharon Cohen, M.D., F.R.C.P. (C), Toronto Memory Program; Phil Epstein, Q.C., L.S.M., Cert. F. Arb., Epstein Cole LLP; and Ed Lum, Regional Consultant, Ontario Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse, for so generously giving of their time and expertise.

And a special thank you to Hilary Linton of Riverdale Mediation in Toronto. She wrote about our EMTP program on her blog, helping spread the word about our first ever event. We’re so grateful.

Finally, we want to acknowledge all those who participated in our premier workshop. It was so heartening to see all these individuals gathered together in one place, eager to learn how to help our elder citizens and their families. The elder mediation profession is truly coming into its own.

If you’d like to participate in our introductory and/or advanced programs this fall, please contact us and we will provide you with all the necessary information.

One particularly memorable image showed an elderly man being carried out of the rubble by a uniformed member of the Japanese Self-Defense Force. The photo was emblematic of one of the most famous aspects of traditional Japanese culture: its reverence for its oldest citizens.

In Japan, where the family has long been considered the cornerstone of society, the elderly have been esteemed for their wisdom. The young were instructed to look up to their grandparents, who would pass on valuable life lessons to the younger generation. In fact, every September 15, Japan celebrates “Respect for the Aged Day.”

However, changing demographics are altering the relationship between the young and the old. In Canada, we are undergoing a similar demographic shift; however, the situation in Japan is particularly serious, with ramifications to that nation’s entire culture and economy.

Traditionally, elderly care was undertaken by daughters-in-law, with aging parents living with their children and grandchildren. Retirement homes and homes for the aged are a relatively new phenomenon, and spaces are limited. The result was a 21^st century phenomenon called “kodokushi,” or “lonely deaths,” as more elderly people live (and die) alone and isolated.

“There is a kind of myth that older people in Japan are living in three-generational families, but that’s not so anymore,” one gerontologist told Time magazine in 2010.

The problem is that Japan’s birthrate has declined sharply in recent decades: the standard population “replacement rate” is 2.1 children per woman; in Japan, that birthrate has fallen to 1.4. Seniors are living longer than ever before, but as younger women enter the workforce in record numbers, they are putting off marrying and having children indefinitely. They are also less likely to embrace their traditional care giving role.

It’s difficult for any culture to experience such a dramatic change in family roles and responsibilities. Even though the demographic shift is inevitable in all cultures, finding the most effective and efficient remedies is very complex. More and more people are looking to families to provide their senior members with the necessities of life.

The conversations that families need to have in order to plan for the dignified care of their aging family members are difficult. Family members need to navigate their way through differences in perspective and opinion, and suppressed emotions about past family conflicts might surface.

However, these are conversations are easier to have before a crisis. It is in the family’s best interests to involve a neutral third party, such as an elder mediator, to help facilitate planning and decision-making.

For now, and probably for a long time to come, conversation about family life in Japan will have to focus on the grief of loss and devastation. Recent events may have altered the country’s landscape forever. Only time will tell what impact they will have on Japan’s traditional culture, as it evolves in the face of shifting demographics.

A man and his wife were charged with failing to provide the necessities of life, after police and paramedics discovered the man’s 68-year-old mother living in the couple’s unheated garage. The woman is being treated in hospital for frostbite and other injuries.

The “mentally incompetent” woman was banished to the “filthy” garage last November. According to reports, her son and legal guardian didn’t want his mother living in the family home because she was incontinent and suffering from dementia.

While this horrible incident is particularly troubling, one federal study estimates that between 4% and 10% of Canadian seniors are victims of elder abuse: financial, emotional and/or physical. Needless to say, an unknown number of elder abuse cases go unreported every year.

In this particular situation, the woman’s son was reportedly “receiving hundreds of government dollars each month to help care for her.” When a family decides to take on the responsibility for the care of an aging parent, financial assistance is undoubtedly important.

However, financial support is just the beginning. This tragic case illustrates the need for a complete support system, to assist both the caregivers, their parents and the entire family — emotionally, socially and physically, not just monetarily.

When a family takes on the responsibility of caring for a senior parent in their home, they need to know that community services such as Ontario’s Community Care Access Centre (CCAC) are in place, designed to prevent situations from deteriorating to such an extreme.

There are also specially trained professionals such as elder mediators who can facilitate conversations to help the family organize and make plans that will be in the best interests of the elderly person. The introduction of a neutral third person also helps minimize conflict that can arise when there are disagreements, and high emotion.

In the case of this Scarborough family, neighbours told reporters they were not aware that the elderly woman had moved in with her son and daughter in law months earlier. Isolation is a contributing factor in elder abuse. A strong community support system might have prevented this tragic case, and perhaps many others.

As more and more people face with the prospect of caring for senior parents in their homes, incidents like this one illustrate the importance of the elder mediation process, in which family members come together to create the best possible living situation for everyone involved.

For other people, however, family get-togethers are stressful even before they begin, as they anticipate reopening emotional wounds and adding to old grudges.

One way to make the holidays more bearable is to lower your expectations. While we imagine this year will be different and we truly hope it will be, reality sets in soon after you — or they — walk through the door.

But you can lower your stress level by cultivating more realistic expectations about how celebrations will turn out, and change the inevitable cycle of disappointment and resentment.

This year, you can actually anticipate those situations that trigger negative emotions simply because they are so familiar! You already know what is going to happen; how dynamics will be repeated and how even your reactions will be predictable. So, why not try a different response to the “same old song”?

Doing something different breaks the cycle. One of my favourite examples comes from a client who chose not to lash out at her demanding, critical mother. Instead, she calmly went into the kitchen and made her a cup of tea. Her mother was so surprised by the gesture that she forgot what they were arguing about. It was like the daughter had hit a “reset” button.

We may balk at having to be the one who does the changing. However, the brutal fact is that the only person we have any control over is ourselves. We spend a lot of time trying to train and fix others, only to find ourselves complaining about the same dynamic, year after year. So, take charge and ask yourself, “What can I do differently to lower the emotional temperature?”

Don’t wait until you “feel” like responding in a more generous or understanding way; that feeling may never come. Instead, act first, and the feeling may follow.

If your best intentions fail, treat yourself to a time-out. Run some errands or go for a walk. Read a book or go to a movie. Know that everyone will be exactly where you left them, but you’ll have a new, refreshed attitude when you return.

This year, countless stranded travelers will never make it home for the holidays. They’ll be wishing they were with their families, like you will be. With a few simple changes, you can make these precious gatherings something to celebrate, be grateful for and remember!

Happy holidays to all!

According to Statistics Canada:

• By 2036, the number of seniors will reach approximately 10 million — more than double the 4.7 million in 2009
• Seniors will account for almost 25% of the population by that time — nearly double the 13.9% in 2009

This growing number of seniors is already challenging Canada’s social safety net and healthcare system.

On a personal level, almost every family faces difficult but unavoidable issues:

• Do our parents have wills, “living wills” and powers of attorney?
• Our family can’t agree on an aging parent’s housing arrangements
• Grandma still wants to drive, but I don’t think it’s safe
• Dad told me once that he never wants to be “hooked up to a machine,” but we don’t have anything in writing.

I call people dealing with these issues the “Maturing Family.”

Today’s “Maturing Family” consists of aging Baby Boomer parents, their busy, dual-income children and their children – along with step parents, step children and ex-spouses. Parents and children may not live in the same city, province or country. Some members of the family may be estranged.

Between a glance at the statistics, and reflection on our personal experiences, the growing need for “Elder Mediation” becomes clear.

Elder Mediation helps families settle disputes arising between senior parents and their children who don’t agree about how to resolve the significant, life changing issues impacting their family.

While Elder Mediation resembles other forms of family mediation, this topic presents unique challenges to mediators and facilitators.

That’s why I’m launching Canada’s first Elder Mediation Training Program in early 2011.

This is not just another “workshop.”

This formal, comprehensive two day training program provides an intensive introduction to the knowledge base related to Elder Mediation.

Participants will also have ample opportunity for interactive learning, showing them how to put their new knowledge into practice.

As part of the Elder Mediation Training Program:

• Participants will learn exactly how to facilitate conversations between family members
• A physician will put on a “mini med school” about medications, dementia and other health problems specific to the elderly
• A lawyer will explain various legalities from a Canadian perspective
• And much more

Participants can then choose to take an additional advanced three day training program, which is divided into two streams:

• One stream for accredited mediators who are already members of Family Mediation Canada and/or the Ontario Association of Family Mediation or equivalency
• One stream for facilitators who are not accredited, but who have backgrounds in gerontology, social work, counseling, nursing and education

Being able to tell clients that you are specifically trained in Elder Mediation will be an impressive credential.

As the population ages, it makes good sense to begin training in Elder Mediation as soon as possible.

To find out more about Canada’s first Elder Mediation Training Program, set to begin in January 2011, please contact me at 416-924-2404 (or toll-free at 1-866-924-2404)