For some of us, the end of the year is a season of joyful celebrations that will become treasured memories.

For other people, however, family get-togethers are stressful even before they begin, as they anticipate reopening emotional wounds and adding to old grudges.

One way to make the holidays more bearable is to lower your expectations. While we imagine this year will be different and we truly hope it will be, reality sets in soon after you — or they — walk through the door.

But you can lower your stress level by cultivating more realistic expectations about how celebrations will turn out, and change the inevitable cycle of disappointment and resentment.

This year, you can actually anticipate those situations that trigger negative emotions simply because they are so familiar! You already know what is going to happen; how dynamics will be repeated and how even your reactions will be predictable. So, why not try a different response to the “same old song”?

Doing something different breaks the cycle. One of my favourite examples comes from a client who chose not to lash out at her demanding, critical mother. Instead, she calmly went into the kitchen and made her a cup of tea. Her mother was so surprised by the gesture that she forgot what they were arguing about. It was like the daughter had hit a “reset” button.

We may balk at having to be the one who does the changing. However, the brutal fact is that the only person we have any control over is ourselves. We spend a lot of time trying to train and fix others, only to find ourselves complaining about the same dynamic, year after year. So, take charge and ask yourself, “What can I do differently to lower the emotional temperature?”

Don’t wait until you “feel” like responding in a more generous or understanding way; that feeling may never come. Instead, act first, and the feeling may follow.

If your best intentions fail, treat yourself to a time-out. Run some errands or go for a walk. Read a book or go to a movie. Know that everyone will be exactly where you left them, but you’ll have a new, refreshed attitude when you return.

This year, countless stranded travelers will never make it home for the holidays. They’ll be wishing they were with their families, like you will be. With a few simple changes, you can make these precious gatherings something to celebrate, be grateful for and remember!

Happy holidays to all!